Mad Lips, A Fishy Story

 

It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year. I was driving in downtown . My was in the shop, so I was in a rented , and it was overheating, so I pulled into a station. They said I'd blown a . I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay  pal?"

While they were doing that I walked over to a place called the bar -- a real . But I knew the owner, he used to play for the . I said, "Hi, !!!", you hafta yell, he's hard of .
was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water. I gullied up to the sandbar, he poured the usual, rusty snail, hold the , shaken, not stirred and with a peanut butter and sandwich on the side -- heavy on the . I slipped him a -- on . I was feeling good, I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's -- for the .

Well, the place was crowded, we were packed in like . They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy . -- What . Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular -- " Chanted  Evening", and the stage was surrounded by screaming probably there to see the player.

One of them was this cute little and she's giving ME the eye, so I figure, this is my chance for a little fun, you know -- a piece of . But she said things I just couldn't . She was too deep, and seemed to be under a lot of . Boy, could she drink. She drank like a... she drank A LOT...  I said, "What's your sign?". She said, "". I said, "GREAT!!! Let's get !"

I invited her up to my place for a little midnight . I said, "C'mon baby, it'll only take a few ". She threw me that same old line, "Not tonight -- I got a ". And she wasn't kiddin' either, 'cuz in came the biggest, meanest looking I'd ever seen come down the . He was covered with . He came over to me, he said, "Listen -- don't you come around here". What a . This guy was steamed -- I could see the in his eyes

I turned to him, I said, " -- You're just being ". Well, I knew it was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cuz he was already on the phone to the . The hits me with a sucker punch, I catch him with a left hook. He over, it was a , but there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a .

I said, "Forget the , Gil, this guy's gonna need a ". Well, the was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me, she said, "Hey big boy, you're really a game ", "what's your name?", I said, "".
Well from then on, we had a of a time. I took her to dinner, I took her to dance, I bought her a bouquet of , and then I went home with her.  And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the .

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Source: Kip Addotta
Best Of Dr. Demento
From the song, Wet Dream